Sometimes, I am too full of stuff to write....and this is exactly, when it is good to write! An MBTI test, which is a psychometric test that classifies personality according to 4 main elements, one of them is whether the person is "judging" which basically means that she likes to have plans, clear systems. This person likes to have a structure, needs to know the steps. And I am definitely in this sense a "judging". I mean in a way, I am crazy, spontaneous, artistic...that is all true, too, but I like to know the steps, the frame, the plan...and all those grandiose words that seem to evoke a certain feeling of safety?? It is more like a "sigh" like "now I know. Now, I do not have to remind my busy brain with all the things I have miraculously jammed into it".
So, when my mind is so full...and there are so many things to do and say and feel and express...it is time for words to choose who will come out first and jump on my screen.
The basic idea that I am struggling with recently. actually lately....probably for the last 10 years or more... whatever. Anyway, the basic idea in my head is that I want to grow more in my work as trainer and coach and of course writer. These are things that truly "fill up my senses". I also work as HR Head on part time basis in a company and I do enjoy my work very much, well like 90% or more of it. I like it because in it I have a chance not just to do the mundane stuff, but to actually laugh a lot, talk to people as human beings, behave as the Amina in the street, in the blog... the same one. I have the chance to come up with creative ideas and see them happening, and I have the opportunity to talk to any of the 500 employees and say something that actually does make a difference sometimes. Sometimes, arrange a trip and give them a fun day... see them singing and dancing in an event...or personally get involved in their growth and in their problems. And that makes me feel that my work there is worth while. It is not simply recruitment and training over the shelf, for me it is more of creating a culture, seeing inside of people, making others happy and helping them grow.
So, anyway, my dilemma is to balance the many things I do: writing (with all its activities), training and coaching (and this also comes in various channels and ways) and of course, there is my life; my kids, my parents, my friends, my health, my sports (not yet:)...and this does drive me NUTS sometimes,
The idea in my head is that this year, there are 3 words to hold, explore, follow and play with:
- Discipline: and by that I mean putting a plan and really stick to it. I am discipline, have been all my life, except in some things: waking up early! which I really want to change. I mean I usually wake up late and feel very bad about it. So it is either I wake up late and feel relaxed and do not mourn the half day wasted OR wake up early and use the day. To keep on waking late and lamenting is ridiculous. And the other thing in this "Discipline" is really sticking to the plan and this brings me to the next point;
Planning: learning the art of real cool planning, not the stuff I do. I mean really anticipating the needs while I am cool and using resources around. It also means leaving space and not cramming optimistically everything in one day or one week or one hour. A couple of days ago, I made a plan for the day, which in reality and without any time wasting on my side, took 2.5 days!! which shows how unrealistic, terribly optimistic I get while planning. I think there is a sense of achievement (a fake one!) that comes when I finish things on my calendar :)
I have actually realized last year, that I fill the days agendas with so much and naturally fail to finish them and the results are: 1-I am always busy. 2- I always feel like an A+ student who has not finished his homework and who has tests coming. 3- I miss feeling free and light and going out without a care in the world!
- Framing and re-framing: this is a term from Neuro-Linguistic programming, and it is easy, it is about how you see this thing. So, when I see the outings, the kids errands, the call to my parents or the writing of a new blog or continuing the chapter in the new book...when I see those as another thing on the list, I feel pressured, stressed and a creepy and extremely false feeling of victimization sort of creeps and hides somewhere.
Whereas if I see those things as activities, a sign of abundance and energy, or an expression of a life well lived... a diversity in what I love and in love itself...then the whole picture seems to widen...space seems to grow... sunshine, literally, seems to change the whole color of the first dreary picture.
It is true that in both pictures, I might be tired. but it is not the same in both pictures.
As I was writing the sentence above, I started writing crudely and honestly"I am not young anymore, I have worked myself so hard, and consumed so much of myself, that I can no longer bear the same workload and errands and demands on me as before". Well. It might be true, but on the other hand, if I use re-framing I can see it like that "I have had a very active life so far, been to so many places, done so much..and that gives momentum to my life and days. I am used to doing and enjoying many things at the same time. And it is time to give some more attention to my energy levels to keep me going".
So you see the difference??
In reality (what is reality?) both versions are true, for what is truth? The facts are the same, the truth is what is in my head...
Let us check what is it in our heads that dims the colour of our pictures ?
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